For all of the planning, excitement and belief in this year’s Women’s Nurture Annual Retreat, I just couldn’t make it happen.
What??? Some of you may be asking…didn’t you write that there were only a few spaces left?
Well, that was true at one point. But then slowly, slowly, the numbers just kept dropping off.
A variety of conflicts came up for my students, and several that had signed up or told me they were signing up, just couldn’t make it happen in the end. I had already changed the date of the retreat once, and kept trying to accommodate, and shift, and brainstorm, and push, and force.
But I simply could not make it happen.
I really felt like I was trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. I started to feel devastated through this long process of uncertainty and trying. Because those who had signed up, I was going to have to disappoint when I told them I had to cancel. Not to mention, my ego, the sense of failure as a small business owner, the feeling of backsliding instead of progressing…
Last year, the retreat happened almost effortlessly…all but one of my students came, and it just flowed.
This year, not so much.
Perhaps that was a sign. There were a couple of points that I was a bit uncomfortable with regarding the scheduled retreat, but I felt confident in my ability to work through them. But things were definitely not flowing. So, with a heavy heart, I canceled.
And then.
One of my dear students mentioned a place in Cyprus that her sister had just gone to. A spa resort.
After checking out the link, I had this feeling. Do you know what feeling I’m talking about? That feeling of deep knowing.
This.
This is the place.
This is the time.
This is the reason.
All of my uncertainties fled and I was galvanized into action.
Since my teaching schedule was already cleared, I consulted with my husband about his plans. With his blessings, I booked an exploratory trip for myself.
This trip would be research to check the suitability for my group for a future retreat. But it would be also be retreat for myself.
As I grappled with feelings of disappointment and failure at not running the retreat, I also contended with deep feelings of guilt and relief as well.
For all that I try to practice what I preach, I’ve never done for myself something of this magnitude. Something this freeing.
Four days to myself, with no one’s schedule or considerations but my own.
Time to practice as much yoga as I want. Time to fill up with plate upon plate of the most nourishing, delicious, kosher, pescatarian food. Time to heal in the mineral waters of the spa and receive healing body treatments. Time to read. Time to sit and let my thoughts wander. Time to cry tears of release and healing. Time to converse with an interesting guest. Time to let my body absorb the warming rays of the sun. Time to listen to nature. Time to let my eyes feast upon the beauty of my surroundings. Time to write.
Time to listen to myself to understand what the next step is. Instead of rushing from one task to the next, as has become my habit of late, this time is happening slower. Time is unfolding in real time, instead of the hurried and harried pace of an overbooked life.
Because this spa focuses on Wellness, their programming is aligned with this goal. In addition to the spa, natural springs and healthy food, there are yoga classes, meditation, qi gong, pilates, fitness equipment, guided forest walks, and experiential lectures by guest speakers. Last night was a wonderful workshop on MindBody healing and the expressions of the emotions in the body.
I was lucky enough to connect with the doctor giving the workshop on our way into the resort from the airport. In a perfect balance, our paths keep overlapping here at the resort in small, but meaningful ways.
I have otherwise been nearly silent. Enjoying the respite from talking, and instead listening, observing and absorbing.
It has also been a treat to take some of the yoga classes offered here. Though I am practicing on my own a couple of times a day, there is something lovely about being a student. To be outside of my typical Iyengar Yoga circle of classes, and learning from a wise human who has a different approach and method than me and my teachers back home.
It reaffirms my appreciation for all types of yoga and for the beautiful lessons we can learn from unexpected places when we let our ego go.
After this morning’s guided meditation, the teacher spread a deck of affirmation cards, face down, and invited us to choose some.
My choices validated my experiences thus far and in the leap it took to be here.
I find it interesting that each card uses the word force, but with deeply different connotations.
It is interesting that when I stopped forcing that which was not meant to happen now, there was the space for a powerful force of alignment and faith to sweep in.
Continue reading in The Retreat – Part Two, where I share more pictures, videos, a link to recipes and plans to bring a group here for the next Women’s Nurture yoga retreat.