The process of starting my online business has been incredibly eye opening. And a bit of a roller coaster. One day, I am scaling heights that I never dreamed of…feeling creativity flowing, learning new skills and accomplishing concrete tasks. I feel full, optimistic, and so incredibly excited for a new future. However, even that same night, my small Self pops up to undermine everything! I bet you know who I’m talking about…
This is Little Miss Worry, and she likes to wear different hats.
Sometimes, she comes under the guise of my teachers and elders, saying that I need to stay under their direction and to serve them and their causes. Not in a malicious way, just that I must remain the student, in the system, and not to promote myself or my ideas. (By the way, none of my actual teachers have ever insinuated such a thing, they are very supportive, but Little Miss Worry can be a real bitch)
Sometimes, she presents herself with declarations that I’m an Imposter. Oh yes, Imposter Syndrome at its finest. You don’t have the proper qualifications, who are you to think you can help anyone, you don’t know enough, have enough experience, aren’t an expert in the field, etc. Other times, she acts like she wants to protect me…oh, be careful! Don’t try this or that, what if nobody likes it? What if nobody likes you? What if you hurt people? Maybe you shouldn’t do anything at all.
Lastly, and this is when I know that Little Miss Worry is working overtime, is when she poses the truly frightening question of what will you do if you are actually successful?
Won’t everything change? How will you manage your time? What if you have to change the way you live your life to accommodate success?
I’ve gotten to know Little Miss Worry over the years, but ever so intimately lately. The reality is that she brings up some good points. Points that do in fact need to be considered, pondered and reflected upon. But what she doesn’t like to bring to the table, and what I have to work hard to remember and apply, is that I have faith. I actually trust myself. Not to be perfect, or to get it right all at once. However, I do have faith in my resilience. I have fallen before, and I’ve gotten back up. Why wouldn’t I be able to get up again?
I trust that I can learn new skills when encountering a novel situation. I trust that when my intentions are clean, and my motivations are honest and sincere, then true connection and change can occur. I believe that there will be moments of doubt along the way, in particular when bringing forth an idea or offering in a public forum. Not everyone will agree or respect my point of view. This will certainly be difficult. And yet…is that enough to stifle my voice? Do we hold back, never speaking, never sharing, never trying, for the fear of the nay-sayers? Which poses a greater threat to us? The harm which others inflict through mean or critical comments, or the harm inherent in neglecting our need to express ourselves?
I’ve learned from the teachings of BKS Iyengar, in The Tree of Yoga, that the first yama, or moral principle, which is non-violence, ahimsa, can be applied in our physical yoga practice.
Just like it is an act of violence to overstretch a part of the body, so too it is a form of violence to under stretch an opposing part of the body, as a form of neglect. Those neglected cells of the body aren’t nourished, aren’t recognized, and aren’t allowed to flourish. Biologically, this results in more than just not balancing a stretch or a yoga pose, but in a blockage of energy in the body, that then becomes ripe for inflammation, or even disease. The same with our beliefs. Limiting beliefs about ourselves block energy and hold it down deep in the tissues of our bodies, not to mention our minds and hearts. Moreover, the violence of fear, or the violence we self-inflict by not fully showing up for ourselves because Little Miss Worry had her say, is just as dangerous as the external criticisms. We will certainly never achieve any of our goals if we don’t ever try.
So, today, I will listen to my small, worried Self.
I will really hear what she has to say, because, she is speaking up about my deep fears. Then, I’m going to give her a hug. I’m going to tell her that it’s okay to have doubts and fears. That makes us human. Maybe we’ll even cry about it a bit. Then I’m going to take her hand, and together we will look ahead. We don’t have to have it all figured out, but we will be brave.
I don’t have to shove my worry down and forget about it. Those worries are part of who I am. They are valid feelings and thoughts. But they are insecurities. I don’t want to invest in that which is insecure. What I want to invest in, are my securities. Those thoughts, those experiences, those dreams that build me up and make me feel solid. They too exist. I want to invest in my empowering beliefs, those that are without limit. If all the awful things that Little Miss Worry focuses on can in fact happen, well, so can all the amazing wonderful things that my empowered-self dreams of. The future hasn’t yet arrived. In this present moment, it is all just potential. Potential just waiting to be formed.
It’s quite a powerful place to be in actually. And the amazing thing about all that potential, is that it finds expression with one small step bringing us closer to our goals. One actionable step. For me today, that small step was writing this. The next step is sharing it.